self esteem : Psychobabble that shields the seriously selfish 2

When someone says that he lacks self-esteem he says it as if he were denied something that is his of right. Merely by virtue of drawing breath, each person has the right to think well of himself. Are not all men created equal, in some not-quite-specifiable metaphysical sense? And is not man the paragon of animals, the beauty of the world, like unto a god? Should we not all, then, think well of ourselves?

There are several layers to the concept of self-esteem, which is not a purely psychological notion. It has, or ought to have, a moral content or dimension: for if it is possible to have too little self-esteem, it is surely possible also to have too much. And in deciding who has too much, we have to take into account the moral qualities of the person.

Does anyone not know someone who is too full of self-esteem, who is pompous, puffed up, self-important, vainglorious, self-regarding and altogether too pleased with himself? Whose achievements or qualities are minimal, yet who seems walled around by an awareness of his own assumed superiority? And is it not the case that such inflated self-esteem is one of the most unpleasant qualities anyone can have, drawing immediate censure from almost everyone? But in saying that someone has too high an opinion of himself, we are not using the language of psychology: we are using the language of morals.

It is always possible to argue that people such as I have described are exhibiting only a brittle carapace to protect themselves from their inner vulnerability and sense of their own worthlessness, but to do so is to empty the concept of self-esteem of all empirical content whatsoever. Would there be anyone in the world of whom it could not be said that he lacked self-esteem?

by Theodore Dalrymple

self esteem : Psychobabble that shields the seriously selfish 1

We're taught that self-esteem is essential to our happiness. Not necessarily, writes Theodore Dalrymple

All happy families, wrote Tolstoy, are happy in the same way; all unhappy families are unhappy in their own way.

The same might almost be said of individuals: for the ways of happiness are few, while the ways of misery are legion. Self-destruction comes in myriad forms, and human ingenuity seems often to be directed solely at the maximisation of personal infelicity. If I didn't know better, I'd believe in Freud's death instinct.

I arrive in my hospital each day thinking that I have by now heard everything: that no human folly can now surprise me, that no conduct can take me aback. I am always proved mistaken, however: for overnight someone has devised a new and improved method of securing his own downfall, as well as that of everyone around him. I meet women who love men who drag them by the hair to a window and suspend them by their ankles out of the tenth floor, and I meet men who deliberately inject themselves with HIV-infected blood so that they will henceforth be attractive to Byronic women who think that fatal illness will make them interesting. One might suppose, therefore, that I am not easy to shock, surprise or appal, but every day new horrors are exhibited to tone up my nervous system, as it were. Truly the sleep of reason calls forth monsters.

Over the past few years, the self- destructive have increased not only in number but in the intensity of their self-destruction, and they have accepted a new and fashionable explanation for their own conduct: a lack of self-esteem. They confess it coyly, as if somehow revealing an innermost secret that they have never revealed to anyone before - except, possibly, to everyone else they know who has the time and patience to listen to them. They present the supposed fact of their lack of self-esteem to their doctor as if laying before him the inestimable gift of their most intimate confidence. The doctor is flattered and repays the compliment by taking what they say seriously.

But this mention of self-esteem is only an example of psychobabble, that extraordinary abstract language that conceals what it claims to reveal. Psychobabble reduces human cognition, experience and emotion to a few bloodless abstractions: but he who would know a man (to adapt William Blake slightly) must know him in minute particulars. An alleged lack of self-esteem tells us nothing about the person who suffers it: for such a lack is plausibly compatible with all human behaviour whatsoever, from the anchorite's retreat into a desert cave to the rankest megalomania.

by Theodore Dalrymple

self esteem : The costs and causes of low self-worth

Low self-esteem has come to be seen as the cause for a wide range of personal and social ills, from crime and drug addiction, to educational failure and suicide attempts. For these reasons much effort is invested in raising self-esteem, particularly among young people. But can high self-esteem really be the magic bullet this effort assumes? Through a comprehensive review of the available research evidence, this report examines the case for this assumption.

Separate sections of the report look at:

• the popular image of high self-esteem as an all-purpose social ‘vaccine’, and scientific attempts to define and measure self-esteem;
• what is known about the links between low self-esteem and a range of problem behaviours;
• the origins of low self-esteem;
• the relative effectiveness of different kinds of interventions intended to raise self-esteem.

The report raises serious doubts as to the value of investing in programmes to enhance self-esteem, given the very limited impact such programmes are likely to have on most problem behaviour.

Nicholas Emler

self esteem : Healthy Self-Esteem in Thirty Days

Healthy Self-Esteem is your best weapon on the journey of life. Self-Esteem is the cornerstone of your emotional well-being and success in life. Self-Esteem stems from the knowledge that you are a valuable person. It is the understanding that there is no one who is exactly like you. No one talks like you; No one walks like you; No one has the exact color eyes or hair as you. Even identical twins have subtle differences in personality and characteristics.

Healthy Self-Esteem is realizing that no other person has your personality or your abilities, and it is being comfortable with your uniqueness that sets you apart. Healthy Self-Esteem is that calm sense of self-respect and integrity that deep down in your soul you possess self-worth and confidence in your ability and uniqueness.

Healthy Self-Esteem fosters your inner strength to walk your own path. You avoid succumbing to peer pressure. You have the confidence to say, “NO” to requests or ideas which are demeaning to your integrity or will sabotage your goals.

Healthy Self-Esteem allows you to become a leader, instead of a follower. You know what is best for you. With Healthy Self-Esteem you are able to make decisions, regardless of what others say or do. These are traits that we all want for ourselves and our children.

You can build Healthy Self-Esteem one minute at a time. Every waking minute:

• See yourself as having value.

• See yourself as having the key to what is needed in this world.

• Treat yourself with the highest respect. No one will treat you with more respect than you treat yourself.

• Employ self-discipline to follow through with any endeavor.

• Give yourself positive support by praising yourself for doing a good job, for doing what you do, and for doing things the best you can. “You can do it.” “You are good at everything you do.” “You did a good job.”

• Focus on the positive—avoid focusing on the negative.

• Focus on the glass is half full—avoid focusing on the glass is half empty.

• Give yourself praise and pats on the back for your achievements—no matter how small.

• Focus on the process of goal achievement, avoid bemoaning everything you need to do—your goals come to fruition more quickly.

• Be persistent in everything you do—persistence is the only path to goal achievement.

• Praise others for their accomplishments—when you compliment others you build your own self-esteem, because it’s impossible to sincerely praise others without feeling better about yourself.

• Give as much as you want to receive—What goes around; Comes around.

• Take pride in, who you are.

• Take pride in, what you do.

“Life is not easy for any of us. But, what of that? We must have perseverance and above all, self-esteem in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained.” – Marie Curie

In Thirty days you will notice subtle, but powerful differences in the out-come of your endeavors and you will notice you are feeling empowered, confident and focused on goals and achievements.

by Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD,

self esteem : 10 Tips to Improve Your Self Esteem

Striving to improve our self esteem is on everybody’s mind. It doesn’t matter if you actively pursue this goal or you subconsciously working on improving your self esteem. The problem with this is that you really don’t know exactly what you want to improve. You’re acting intuitively on external signals.

Do you know how to improve your self esteem? Probably not. To make it a little bit easier for you and to achieve your goals quicker I put together 10 tips that you can utilize right away.

1. Build up your self-esteem. You must take an inventory. What do you want to improve or change about the way you interact with others? Try to make only one change at a time. Always check you progress before making another change.

2. Celebrate your journey, not your destination. Learn to always feel good about where you are now, and to exude self-confidence about anywhere you might find yourself tomorrow.

3. Set clear goals for yourself before every interaction. Know what you want. Think about how the people you will be meeting can help you reach those goals. Then decide how to approach each person accordingly. Apply this regularly and you will notice a difference.

4. Be proactive. Take the initiative. Be decisive. Let the other person know exactly how he or she can help you. Proactive people tent to be more successful in their career.

5. Treat each person you meet as if she or he is truly important. (You'll be amazed how this works.)

6. Give a firm handshake; look the other person straight in the eye. Practice both of these. Your handshake should be just right. Not too firm and not too loose. Train yourself to notice something you like or find attractive in the person.

7. Listen! Listen! Listen! Teach yourself to develop good listening skills. Learn a way to remember the other person's name. If in doubt simply ask for the name again 2 or 3 sentences into the conversation.

8. Visibly respond to the other person. Smile, nod agreement, and address him or her by name. Apply all you listening skills to visibly respond. The body language is the most important part of a conversation. Practice, practice, practice…

9. Pay more attention to the other person than to yourself. Are you responding to what may be going on in his or her life? Don't filter out bad news. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Be caring.

10. Stay "in the moment." Don't mentally cut off the other person. Don't reload while he or she is speaking. What this means is that you need to focus on the other person 100% during a conversation. Anything less is considered rude.

Next time you meet somebody new look out for these behaviors. Put a mental checkmark on the each of the 10 tips and see how well this person scored. Chances are that the person scored very high if you tent to like her/him. On the contraire the person probably scored low if you don’t seem to connect.

The more you practice the more likely you will create a positive aura which is commonly known as charisma. To step up to become a charismatic personality it takes more than just these 10 tips.

Creating a positive aura will benefit you in every thing you do. You will create a warmer ambience with your family. You will be more successful in your career. Even while trying to meet a partner of the opposite sex you will notice a difference on how people perceive you.

Unfortunately a small article can’t do justice on the wide spectrum of creating a positive aura and developing a charismatic personality. You will get the complete picture and step by step explanations in Race Kale’s new book “The Power of Charisma”.

by Peter Dobler

self esteem : Study of mathematical skills

A 1989 study of mathematical skills compared students in eight different countries. American students ranked lowest in mathematical competence and Korean students ranked highest. But the researchers also asked students to rate how good they were at mathematics. The Americans ranked highest in self-judged mathematical ability, while the Koreans ranked lowest. Mathematical self-esteem had an inverse relation to mathematical accomplishment. This is certainly an example of a feel-good psychology keeping students from an accurate perception of reality. The self-esteem theory predicts that only those who feel good about themselves will do well, which is supposedly why all students need it. But in fact, feeling good about yourself may simply make you over confident, narcissistic and unable to work hard. Now, I am not implying that high self-esteem is always negatively related to accomplishment. Rather, the research mentioned above shows that measures of self-esteem have no reliable relationship to behavior, either positive or negative. In part, this is simply because life is too complicated for so simple a notion to be of much use. But for other reasons we should expect this failure in advance.

We all know, and know of, people who are motivated by insecurities and self doubts. These are often both the heroes and the villains of history. The prevalence of certain men of small stature in the history of fanatical military accomplishment is well documented. Julius Cesar, Napoleon, Hitler, and Stalin were all men determined to prove they were big. Many great athletes and others have had to overcome grave physical disabilities and a lack of self-esteem. One might call this the Demosthenes effect after the ancient Greek with a speech impediment. He practiced speaking with his mouth full of pebbles and later became a famous orator.

Many superior achievements appear to have their origin in what psychologist, Alfred Adler, called an inferiority complex. The point is not that feeling bad about ourselves is good, but rather that only two things can truly change how we feel about ourselves. Real accomplishment and real love.

First, accomplishment in the real world affects our attitudes. A child who learns to read, who can do mathematics, who can play the piano or baseball, will have a genuine sense of accomplishment and an appropriate sense of self-esteem. Schools that fail to teach reading, writing, and arithmetic, corrupt the proper understanding of self-esteem. Educators, who say don't grade them, don't label them, you have to make them feel good about themselves, cause these problems. It makes no sense for students to be full of self-esteem if they have learned nothing. Reality will soon puncture their illusions and they will have to face two disturbing facts: that they are ignorant; and that the adults responsible for teaching them have lied to them.

by PAUL C. VITZ

self esteem : The Problem with Self-Esteem

Today, the largest and most familiar part of American Psychology is the popular psychology of self-esteem, now found throughout American society. Self-esteem and the obsession that so many have with it, is familiar to almost all of us these days. Self-esteem programs affect the lives of countless school children, because this idea, really an ideal, has been taken and applied primarily in education.
Historically, the concept of self-esteem has no clear or obvious intellectual origins. No major psychological theorist made it a central concept. Many psychologists, however, have emphasized the self in various ways but the usual focus has been on self-actualization or fulfillment of one's potential. As a result, it is difficult to trace the source of this emphasis on self-esteem. Apparently, this widespread preoccupation is a distillation of the general concern with the self found in so many psychological theories. Self-esteem seems to be the common denominator pervading the writings of such varied theorists as Abraham Maslow, Carl Rogers, ego-strength psychologists, and moral educators especially recently. In any case, the concern with self-esteem hovers everywhere in the US today. It is, however, most reliably found in the world of education — from professors of education, to principals, teachers, school boards, and the television programs that are concerned with education, particularly those programs concerned with preschool education like Sesame Street.

Self worth, a feeling of respect and confidence in one's being has merit as we shall see. But an ego-centered, let me feel good self-esteem, where we can ignore our failures and our need for God is quite another thing. What is wrong with the concept of self-esteem? Lots, and it's fundamental in nature. There have been thousands of psychological studies on self-esteem. Often the term self-esteem is muddled and confused as it becomes a label for such various aspects as self image, as self acceptance, self worth, self love, self trust, etcetera. The bottom line is that no agreed upon definition or measure for self-esteem exists. And whatever self-esteem is, no reliable evidence supports self-esteem scores as meaning much at all.

There is no evidence that high self-esteem reliably causes anything. Indeed, a lot of people with little of it, have achieved a great deal in one kind of activity or the other. For instance, Gloria Steinem, who has written a number of books and been a major leader of the feminist movement, recently revealed in a book long statement that she suffers from low self-esteem. And many people with high self-esteem are happy just being rich, beautiful, or socially connected. Some other people, whose high self-esteem has been noted are successful inner-city drug dealers who generally feel quite good about themselves. After all they have succeeded in making a lot of money in a hostile and competitive environment.

by PAUL C. VITZ

self esteem : Acne - How It Can Really Damage Your Self Esteem

Acne, or pimples, is a really bad skin condition that effects an individual's self esteem. It is not widely known that there are solutions available to treat the skin and get rid of those red dots. As well as that, people have false beliefs about it as well. Many think it will just go away one day. Yet sadly for many individuals, it can turn out to be a lifelong condition.

Just Exactly What Is It?

The skin on your facial area gets infected and the result is pimples forming. What happens is that bacteria enters through the pores of your skin. As the skin produces too much oil the bacteria have a nice warm and moist area in which to multiply. If the skin is not being exfoliated regularly, then dead skin cells become trapped and provide nutrition for the bacteria to feed on. As the skin reacts trying to get rid of the bacteria, pimples are formed.

Common Myths About Acne

Many myths surround what causes pimples to form. Foods like chocolate and greasy French fries for example have been blamed for pimples occuring. However, these have no real part in developing pimples at all. What does happen though is that they harm your body's ability to heal the infections. Usually, eating foodstuffs like that does not result in a healthy balanced diet. Without a balanced diet your body's ability to fight infections is diminished.

Pimples can be treated effectively today, and that is the good news. However, you will need to take the steps necessary in order to do so. By making use of medications and a good skin care regimen your problem can be lessened and even cured completely.

The face is where the pimples commonly appear. This of course damages your self esteem. But by dealing with the problem your self esteem will increase as the pimples disappear. Most everyone will have an episode of pimples during their lifetime, with varying severity, and it has nothing at all to do with being unclean or dirty. You just need to aid your skin in dealing with the problem.

By Ben O'Rourke

self esteem : How To Boost Your Self Esteem

A low self esteem is one of the leading causes of depression and working to boost your self esteem can increase your chances for success and happiness on both a personal and professional level. While many people realize that they need to boost their feeling of self worth it is not always easy to accomplish. However there are several ways you can increase your self esteem. Here are seven ways to boost your self esteem.

Play To Your Strengths

First it is important to determine who you are. What nouns can you use to describe yourself (wife, mother, friend, teacher, etc.)? Also make a list of your strengths, capabilities, and skills. Many times our feeling of self worth are wrapped up in our negative perceptions of ourselves, especially in terms of areas where we feel a lack such as our physical appearance, education, finances, job, etc. However it is important to remember that our weight, our skin, our career, etc. are not who we are. Who we are is inside us and too often we hide the beauty of our generous souls, creative natures, and joyful zest behind walls we have built to protect ourselves. This can cut us off from others but even more dangerous it can cut us off from ourself.

Identify what is unique and special about yourself and regularly reaffirm that you are in fact skilled and knowledgeable in those areas. Find at least one area of your life that is a source of pride and joy in your life. Make sure to give yourself permission to explore that area and experience it as much as possible.

Lay Down Your Burdens

So often we dwell on our weaknesses and worries until they loom larger than life and begin to dominate our thoughts and emotions. Spend a few minutes every day writing down your worries and negative thoughts then close the book and push the negativity to the back of your mind. Concerns that loom so large in your imagination lose their power on paper. Amazingly, after writing them down the anxieties begin to fade.

Be True To Yourself

Too often we experience failure because we let others choose our goals for us whether it is society, our parents, partners, friends, or teachers. Don't set goals based on the expectations of others but rather on what you want to do, what you enjoy doing, and what you dream about doing. Following someone else's dreams rather than our own is setting ourselves up for failure which then leads to lower self esteem. Of course then we are even less likely to pursue our own goals which then leads to a cycle of failure and low self esteem.

Become A Positive Person

Think and speak positively. If you hear a compliment or positive statement about someone you know pass that compliment on to them. An Arabian proverb puts it neatly: Blessed is he who speaks a kindness; thrice blessed he who repeats it. Concentrate on speaking positively of others as well as yourself. The more you concentrate your energy on positive reinforcement for yourself as well as for others the easier it will become to be a positive person with a strong self esteem.

This also means becoming a more friendly person to those people who are a regular part of your life as well as strangers you simply pass at the store or on the street. Smile, nod, comment on the weather or life, and focus on giving others a reason to smile as well. Give yourself and others positive rewards for being and doing well.

Take Risks

Learn something new. Start a new hobby, learn a new skill, take a class, read challenging books, or engage in a new physical challenge or activity. Don’t be afraid of mistakes or failure. Simply stepping outside your comfortable rut is a success and every new skill and every piece of new knowledge gained is a success. Perhaps the final project is not as successful as you hoped but don't overlook the other gains you made from the experience. Risk-taking builds confidence and gives you the courage to experience still more new things. Each new experience can help you learn and grow as a person as well as give you the opportunity for more success. Maybe that quilt didn't turn out as beautiful as you hoped but you did make new friends in the class or found a great way to relieve stress. And perhaps you learned enough from the experience so your next quilt will be beautiful. Always remember trying and failing still puts you ahead of the person who didn't try at all.

Discount the Negative

Too often our negative perceptions of ourselves, whether it is our physical appearance, our financial status, or professional life, is determined by outside influences. It is important to remember that rarely do these negative projections come from an unbiased source so we should give them little credence. For example, if the messenger is popular culture or media, remember their goal is to make you feel bad about yourself so you will buy what they are selling. Similarly, many people (even people who love you) often build themselves up at the expense of others. It can help you improve your self esteem simply by keeping better company. Positive feeds positive and negative breeds negative. If you choose to be around positive people you in turn will become more positive. Don’t accept messages that damage your own self-esteem. It is much easier to improve or change your behavior when you believe you are lovable and capable.

Take Small Steps

A small success can bring big feeling of competence. Small steps lead to more steps. Pat your self on the back every time you make a small success. Every step counts. Take one step at a time in a positive direction, this is the practice of self-esteem.

Using these seven strategies can help you boost your self esteem and help you lead a happier and more successful life.

by Deanna Mascle

self esteem : Why Self Esteem Matters

A number of years ago I worked for one of the UK’s top IT companies -- a global player. We were meeting to discuss a major bid, and the room was filled with people who didn’t meet often -- the most senior managers from a number of divisions. There were very few middle tier managers in the room, almost exclusively senior managers who were accustomed to being ‘top dog’. The atmosphere in that room was almost tangible. I wanted to bottle the air and analyse it later -- I had never experienced such naked power, and it dawned on me in that moment that we are almost blind to the status signals we transmit.

That meeting was an epiphany, and led to me becoming a hypnotherapist with a particular interest in researching confidence and self esteem. Because what I discovered in that company, and in many companies I have assisted subsequently, was the startling fact that an individual’s self-esteem is a reliable indicator of how far they will progress in the organisation. Some technical geniuses can buck the trend, but they are very rare. For most of us, our ability to influence decision-making is precisely limited by our self esteem.

Why does this matter? It matters because the person with the greatest self esteem is not necessarily the right person to be making the key decisions. We have all suffered foolish bosses. Perhaps we have all wondered how on earth they reached such positions of seniority, given their obvious shortcomings. If you will excuse the bluntness: that incompetent boss is there because you haven’t yet been sufficiently convincing. Your performance is perhaps the least important aspect on which you will be judged; what matters is your status in the group.

Status is a fascinating topic. We communicate our status constantly, primarily through body language and voice tone. This communication is unconscious; it is felt rather than known or consciously controlled. The way in which you behave reflects your self perception of status. This is either accepted or challenged by the people around you. A dominant person (relative to you) will cause you to back off from a challenge. A submissive person (again, relative to your own status) will make it easy for you to project your will. For a fuller discussion of this topic, please visit http://www.confidenceclub.net/content/statusconfidence.php.

And so we come to the nub. We should all seek to develop our self esteem, not because of the personal benefits which will flow from this personal growth -- career enhancement, improved love life etc -- but because we have a duty to ourselves and our communities. Until and unless we step up to the plate, our communities will remain vulnerable to an almost random process of leader selection. So ask yourself: ‘Am I allowing less talented people to make decisions on my behalf?’ If the answer is ‘yes’, then perhaps you should consider stepping up to the plate yourself. The first step in this process is building up your own self confidence and self esteem. Don’t be bashful; there’s nothing selfish about developing your own qualities. A community with a rich selection of potential leaders is, in my view, a secure community.

by Jim Sullivan

self esteem :teenage girls + media = low self-esteem?

Is it really true that teenage girls + media = low self-esteem?

The issue of media's impact on teenagers has generated a lot of interest in the last decade. Despite contradictory findings, all researchers agree that teenage girls as a group are focused on their looks—especially on what they don’t like about themselves! Marketing departments and ad agencies spend millions each year targeting teenage girls who spend much of their hard-earned dollars (and their parents’ hard-earned dollars!) on looking good. Although the message of “girl power” is prevalent in today's marketing messages, so is the irrefutable idea that “sexy” and “thin” are in!

The dieting industry alone generates 40 billion dollars per year in America. If you believe diets are just for adults, you will be shocked to learn that a Harvard study (Fat Talk, Harvard University Press) published in 2000 revealed that 86% of teenage girls are on a diet or believe they should be on one. Diets are common among both teens and children. According to the National Eating Disorders Association, 51% of 9 and 10-year-old girls actually feel better about themselves when on a diet. As a society, our obsession with thin is relatively new. Most people (especially teens) are shocked to find that sex icon Marilyn Monroe actually wore a size 14!

But pick up a fashion magazine today and you'll find models who are thinner than 98% of all the girls and women in America. Turn on a television and see 'sexy' celebrities such as Shania Twain, Britney Spears and Pamela Anderson baring their flesh. It is these role models who have become the standard of what is in vogue in the twenty-first century.

Do Teenage Girls have Low Self-esteem because of Media?

One of the most fascinating shows on self-image for teens was aired on Discovery Channel’s “Sex Files” program (Episode 12: Girl Power). During the show, they reported on eating disorders on the island of Fiji. In 1995, this tropical paradise had only 3 percent of girls with eating disorders in 1995.

Then western television programs were introduced, including “hits” such as ER, Melrose Place and Xena: Warrior Princess. Three years later, the eating disorders in girls on the island rose to 15%. A surprising follow-up study reported 74% of Fijian girls feeling “too fat or big” and 62% had dieted in the last month—surprising in a culture that typically upholds curvaceous women as beautiful.

Five Ways to Ensure Media Does Not Contribute To Low Self-esteem in Teenage Girls

Fortunately, parents have a huge impact on a teenage girl’s self-esteem—more so than even the media. Thus, there is much we as parents can do to ensure our teenage girls' self-esteem soars! Here are five helpful parenting tips:

1. Encourage and Support Your Daughter’s Achievements and Passions. Focus on what it is that your teenage daughter is good at. If she enjoys math, animals or singing, support her. Acknowledge the presence of pretty girls in the media with, “Obviously outward beauty is one of her gifts. You’ve got many gifts yourself!” Then name these gifts as well as you can.

2. Help your Daughter Get in Touch with Reality. We are bombarded with perfect idealized models of what a woman should look like. But the fact is less than 1% of the girls out there will ever become a super model. Besides, no one can compete with computer airbrushing! Share these facts with your daughter. And please note that if you are complaining about your own “thunder thighs”, this message is going straight to your daughter’s heart. Make a commitment to raise your own self-image. No one, including you, is perfect. It is our imperfections that actually make us human. Having the courage to be imperfect makes our life easier and much more joyful.

3. Focus on a Healthy Lifestyle – The less junk food you keep around the house, the less you and your family will eat it! Do you and your family a favor—stock up on the healthy stuff and refrain from insisting on second helpings. If the scale in your home is a bit of an obsession, consider tossing it out. Instead focus on how well and how healthy each of you feels instead.

4. Contribute to Others – Our preoccupation with our own weight can be positively transformed when we start focusing on others. Volunteerism boosts self-esteem. Volunteer as a family, bring a smile to others, and you'll all be reminded of how truly fortunate you are.

5. Encourage Dad to Pay Attention in a Positive Way – Help Dad understand how detrimental well intentioned teasing about weight or looks can be. Encourage him to spend time with his daughter focusing on all the things that she is great at.

It is sad that many teenage girls and women believe that they need to be someone other than who they truly are. It is time to come clean for ourselves, for the race of woman and for our children, by beginning to love the person we are—flaws and all. Embracing our imperfection gives us the opportunity to see all the awesome things about ourselves: to acknowledge that we do have nice eyes, nice breasts, nice legs, nice whatever! And as we stop hiding our flaws, suddenly our psychological zits will become the beauty marks that make us stand out from the crowd.

by Kelly Nault