self esteem

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Monday, July 31, 2006

self esteem : Rich Jerk, Poor Jerk

My apologies to Robert Kiyosaki, author of "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" for my variance on the title of his book. Rich Dad, Poor Dad offers a lot of information to readers about how one should go about setting up a wealth base.

Recently there has been a lot of negative marketing designed to abuse people by making them feel inadequate. Comments such as "I'm rich and you're not" and "I just bought two cars and a yacht, did you?" and the classic "I'm better than you" are all designed to get attention. In my opinion, that sounds like the sort of thing you might hear in a kindergarten playground.

Since when has having lots of money been the determining factor of being superior? Saddam Hussein had lots of money, so did Adolf Hitler. Idi Amin had a big Swiss bank account. Lots of disgusting people have plenty of money.

If the so-called self proclaimed "Rich Jerk" is so superior why does he have to stoop to this sort of marketing to make a quick buck?

I'll tell you why - because it's getting harder and harder to be unique and stand out from the crowd. As soon as somebody gets a new idea everybody else wants to copy it. Well I sure do hope the imitators stay away from this gimmick.

Predictably, the affiliate marketing brigade is already climbing all over it like the Ebola virus in their quest to get a piece of the action. Some of them even "cluck, cluck" over the tactics then sprout something like how wonderful the content is. Really!

I first saw this technique, dubbed "anti-marketing," a few months ago when I visited a well-known marketer's web page. This guy's name is very recognizable. He was well respected - once. But I fear he is going down a path of self-destruction by doing what he is doing.

His website, a thoroughly boring looking thing, contained several dozen envelopes that you had to click on to read the letters inside. After reading several of these so-called "sales letters" I just clicked away from the site, disgusted. Each letter was crammed with rude, abusive, offensive, obnoxious slurs. If this is where the latest marketing trend is headed then there will be a lot of people who will simply not put up with it.

Shock tactics like this will not last. They might have a short time in the sun but the amusement value will soon wane. You cannot treat people in such a derisory manner and expect to stay on top of the game. Reputations will be lost over this. I guess that's why some people who are doing it hide behind pseudonyms. But hey, this is the internet - word soon gets out about true identities.

The sooner this fad dies an early death the better. I'm reminded of a saying by Lobsang Rampa: "I'd rather be a small shrimp in the sea of faith than a dead whale on the beach."

Next time you see marketing containing these negative hallmarks do yourself a favor. Do what I do, click away.

This article comes with reprint rights providing no changes are made and the resource box below accompanies it.

About the author: Gary Simpson is the author of eight books covering a diverse range of subjects such as self esteem, affirmations, self defense, finance and much more. His articles appear all over the web. Gary's email address is Click here to go to his Motivation & Self Esteem for Success website where you can receive his "Zenspirational Thoughts" plus an immediate FREE copy of his highly acclaimed, life-changing e-book "The Power of Choice."

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self esteem : Steps to Happiness

Although there are people who are chemically depressed, which means that they are depressed for no reason, happiness is a choice for most of us. Happiness is gained by doing, not by thinking. When you begin to think whether you’re happy or not, you are no longer happy. You are happy only as long as you don’t think, just do, and eventually you’ll be happy. Below are seven steps or keys to happiness.

Remember, in order for any of these techniques to work you must actually be bold and try to do them. Again, they will not work through intellectualization because once you begin to intellectualize whether you’re happy or not, you are no longer happy for you lost that elusive moment of happiness which you may have had. So work hard at these steps, practice them all at once, practice them one at a time if you want to, but be bold, and practice them – to transform your life.

1. Smile

Smile right now. No matter what you’re doing, or what you’ve been through today, you feel a lot better now because you smiled. Smiling is a huge turn-on to people, it makes you and others feel good. However, that’s not all, smiling projects an aura of self-confidence. It tells people, “I’m in charge of myself and therefore I want to make you feel better. If you want people to come to you, project a healthy smile at all times. Even when you’re sad, fake it. Your brain can’t tell the difference between a fake smile and a real smile, you will become happier automatically when you smile.

2. Be bold.

Always remember Goethe’s quote, “boldness has genius, power and magic in it.” When you are bold and go after what you want with reckless abandonment, magical forces come together to create a series of “coincidences” to make your dreams become a reality. If you aren’t bold, then there’s no hope for you – you won’t reach your hopes and dreams. Be bold at all times and you will eventually reach your hopes and dreams.

3. Exercise

Exercising releases endorphins which make you happy. Any type of exercise is fine, treadmill, weights, dancing, etc. Just as long as you do it and enjoy it. Then be bold, a bit more magic will begin to occur, as happiness will mysteriously strike your life. Of course, you know that they are not coincidences that you had to perform the “magical tricks,” or boldness to make these coincidences become a reality in your life.

4. Be in the present moment

As far as you’re concerned, only the present moment exists, as it’s the only moment you can do anything about. Yesterday and tomorrow are out of your control at the present time. Only today can be changed, so it’s the only thing that matters. When you concentrate on yesterday or tomorrow, you stifle your ability to take advantage of the present moment which you can change. Moreover, the present moment has magic in it, as well.

5. Have confidence

You now know that smiling portrays a feeling of self-confidence. However, there are also other factors that show that you’re confident. Any positive interaction you can have with people portrays confidence. This means doing things that make the other person feel comfortable. This includes smiling as mentioned earlier, but it also includes making eye contact, and nodding your head when somebody is talking to you.

Any positive interaction you can have with a person raises your self-esteem and your confidence level, as well. It shows you that you can interact with people and get the most out of conversations. Confidence is also gained by all the steps covered here: being in the present moment, exercising, being bold, etc. Happiness is a domino effect, if you’re happy (perhaps by making yourself feel happy through smiling), other people will see that you’re happy and will want to join in on your party.

If you let them join your party, you will become even happier. When you’re confident, no matter how much nonsense you may say, people will still listen to you a lot more than if you were to say something profound but you were to say it with a lack of confidence. In summary, confidence gives you power over yourself, and having power over yourself brings you happiness.

6. Have a positive attitude

Your outside is a reflection of your inside. If you are positive on the inside, your outside will appear as a positive world. If you are negative on the inside, the outside will seem gloomy. The point of all of this is that you should work on the inside, your attitude, and eventually your outside will seem bright. Your attitude determines your altitude. You can only go as high as determined by how positive your attitude is. If you have a positive expectancy inside that things are going to go well for you, good fortune will soon come to you. If the opposite is true, you have a negative expectancy, then negative events will keep reoccurring in your life.

7. Don’t take things personally

There is only one perfect way to deal with people who tease you or put you down: do absolutely nothing. If you take it personally, and get aggressive, then they will find more ways to put you down, and you will become very unhappy. You try to punch them, and you sink down to their level. However, if you don’t take things personally, instead, be quiet and let them speak their “nonsense,” they will soon become baffled. They will look and feel dumb as they will have nothing more to say (that anyone will hear) and eventually they will have to shut up. It’s like a class clown who eventually shuts up when nobody is laughing. Doing this avoids conflict and solves the whole problem without any effort being expended on your part and plenty of energy being expended on theirs. Understand that they themselves must have low self-esteem if they feel that they have to put somebody down in order to make themselves feel better. If you feel bad, and retaliate, then you are showing them that you have low self-esteem yourself, again, but it bears repeating, you will sink down to their level. For if your self-esteem is high and you’re happy, you won’t care what anybody else says because you will be happy no matter what. Always remember Abraham Lincoln’s quote, “people are only as happy as they make up their minds up to be.”

By Pablo Golub

Saturday, July 29, 2006

self esteem : Free Tips To Increase Self-Esteem

I have had many confidence issues in my life, all of which I have either dealt with or overcome. I have written about some of these issues below.

1. The Bald Patch

2. My height

3. My weight

4. The stutter

5. My lack of belief in myself

6. My career


Even though to some people it may seem trivial, I was born with a bald patch the size of a ten pence piece. As I went through childhood and especially the teenage years I became more and more self-conscious and paranoid about it.

It was especially noticeable when it rained or when I went swimming as my hair would become wet. People at school would ridicule me and I was forever trying to hide and cover the bald patch even though most people knew about it.

It hurt when people laughed at me and eventually I stopped going swimming altogether.


Out of all of my close male family and friends, I am the shortest at 5ft 4. This probably should not influence my confidence however with people continually looking down on me it did. I have been called many names, the nicest being “Shorty”.

I was always jealous of other people taller than I was. I hoped that one day I might have a late spurt. This never came.

My height affected me with sport. I wanted to be a striker at football however the coaches only wanted people over 6ft tall. At snooker I am constantly have to use the rest which makes it difficult to play up to the best standard and at tennis I was constantly being lobbed. It also meant that I only felt comfortable dating women 5ft 3 and under which reduces the available market considerably.


During senior school I was very thin. This may have been the result of my parents turning vegetarian when I was twelve. At the time there were very few replacement foods and it seemed as though we went from having meat and two veg to just two veg.

As my parents cooked the food I had little option but to also turn vegetarian. After a few weeks I approached them and told them that I missed and wanted to eat meat. They were understanding to a degree and said:

“If you want it, you cook it”

At this age I could only really be bothered to cook properly a few days of the week and that gradually became less and less.

People at school would call me names like skin and bone and my weight became another area of paranoia for me.


At the age of four I developed a stutter. This became gradually worse as I became older even though my parents were told that I would grow out of it.

For what fluent people would class as simple tasks like reading from a book at school, answering questions, saying my name and address, ordering items at the bar or in a restaurant, and speaking on the telephone became a constant battle.

It was a very frustrating impediment, as I seemed to be able to talk quite fluently to people I knew well and whom I felt comfortable with, but at other times especially under any form of pressure could not say a word.

At the age of twenty two after about eleven months of sheer hard work and practice I managed to overcome the stutter and I now help other people who stutter to achieve fluency as well as helping people with confidence problems.


I always had a lack of belief in certain areas.

I would notice a female in a bar for example and would want to go over and talk to her but would have the negative attitude of I’m not good enough, why would she be interested in me? I stutter, I have a bald patch, I have a menial job and I am very thin.

Even if I approach her and am successful, I would then be expected to buy her a drink, possibly phone her, possibly meet her parents, and maybe even get married! The thought of attempting these things with a stutter and with a lack of social confidence was far too daunting for me.

I left school at sixteen mainly due to a lack of confidence and the stutter, but then had the problem of finding a job. Again my lack of belief came shining through. Who would want to employ somebody with a stutter, who has a lack of confidence and who is shy around people?


After leaving school at the age of sixteen I now had to find employment. Suffering with a stutter and a general lack of confidence meant that work involving the phone or regular interaction with other people were not really an option.

I decided that I could probably cope with filing duties in an office and eventually gained a position at an insurance company.

I started at the lowest grade, a grade two and the work was routine and mundane. The average time to stay at this level before being promoted was six months. The grade three post involved sharing a phone and this is something I found very difficult to use.

To become upgraded you had to apply in writing to the personal officer and then if you passed the interview were then promoted. My attitude was that if I don’t apply I would stay as a grade two, which is what I wanted. I was probably the only person in the country who did not want to be promoted.

My boss would ask me at regular intervals why I was not applying and I would make up an excuse. To keep him happy I took the insurance exams. After three years I had completed the first qualification which was a set of five exams. To my horror my boss congratulated me by stating that he was upgrading me to a grade three starting Monday without the need of an interview.

This promotion should in effect have given me a confidence boost however with my stutter out of control under the pressure and some of my colleagues mocking me I became more and more withdrawn and depressed.

I would be invited to social events and would make up excuses of why I could not go as I had a lack of belief that I could cope with the occasion and all the socialising involved.
self esteem
Stephen Hill now helps people to increase their confidence. He has a website at

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self esteem : 10 Tips to Improve Your Self Esteem

Striving to improve our self esteem is on everybody’s mind. It doesn’t matter if you actively pursue this goal or you subconsciously working on improving your self esteem. The problem with this is that you really don’t know exactly what you want to improve. You’re acting intuitively on external signals.

Do you know how to improve your self esteem? Probably not. To make it a little bit easier for you and to achieve your goals quicker I put together 10 tips that you can utilize right away.

1. Build up your self-esteem. You must take an inventory. What do you want to improve or change about the way you interact with others? Try to make only one change at a time. Always check you progress before making another change.

2. Celebrate your journey, not your destination. Learn to always feel good about where you are now, and to exude self-confidence about anywhere you might find yourself tomorrow.

3. Set clear goals for yourself before every interaction. Know what you want. Think about how the people you will be meeting can help you reach those goals. Then decide how to approach each person accordingly. Apply this regularly and you will notice a difference.

4. Be proactive. Take the initiative. Be decisive. Let the other person know exactly how he or she can help you. Proactive people tent to be more successful in their career.

5. Treat each person you meet as if she or he is truly important. (You'll be amazed how this works.)

6. Give a firm handshake; look the other person straight in the eye. Practice both of these. Your handshake should be just right. Not too firm and not too loose. Train yourself to notice something you like or find attractive in the person.

7. Listen! Listen! Listen! Teach yourself to develop good listening skills. Learn a way to remember the other person's name. If in doubt simply ask for the name again 2 or 3 sentences into the conversation.

8. Visibly respond to the other person. Smile, nod agreement, and address him or her by name. Apply all you listening skills to visibly respond. The body language is the most important part of a conversation. Practice, practice, practice…

9. Pay more attention to the other person than to yourself. Are you responding to what may be going on in his or her life? Don't filter out bad news. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Be caring.

10. Stay "in the moment." Don't mentally cut off the other person. Don't reload while he or she is speaking. What this means is that you need to focus on the other person 100% during a conversation. Anything less is considered rude.

Next time you meet somebody new look out for these behaviors. Put a mental checkmark on the each of the 10 tips and see how well this person scored. Chances are that the person scored very high if you tent to like her/him. On the contraire the person probably scored low if you don’t seem to connect.

The more you practice the more likely you will create a positive aura which is commonly known as charisma. To step up to become a charismatic personality it takes more than just these 10 tips.

Creating a positive aura will benefit you in every thing you do. You will create a warmer ambience with your family. You will be more successful in your career. Even while trying to meet a partner of the opposite sex you will notice a difference on how people perceive you.

Unfortunately a small article can’t do justice on the wide spectrum of creating a positive aura and developing a charismatic personality. You will get the complete picture and step by step explanations in Race Kale’s new book “The Power of Charisma”.

Peter Dobler is an active real estate investor and a successful home business entrepreneur. Learn how to become a charismatic personality in this new book.

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Thursday, July 27, 2006

self esteem : How Can You Build Your Child's Self Esteem?

As parents we know that building our child's sense of self esteem is important. Child development specialists tell us. However knowing it is important is not the same as knowing how to give your child a strong sense of self worth. There is no simple strategy but there are several effective techniques parents can use to help boost self esteem in their child.

Let Them Know Their Value

The most important strategy is to show and tell your child how much you value him and appreciate him. Spend time with him, talk to him and really listen to what he has to say, and appreciate the things that interest him.

Empower Them To Make Decisions

You should also teach your child about decision-making and to recognize when she has made a good decision. Children make decisions all the time but often are not aware that they are doing so. There are a number of ways parents can help children improve their ability to consciously make wise decisions. Start first by giving children the ability to make decisions, for example about what to wear for the day, and then live with the consequences, such as being too hot in a long sleeve shirt on the beach. Then gradually expand the scope of their decisions and discuss the problems and solutions involved to help the child evaluate the decisions they make.

Make Them Responsible For Their Emotions

Let children know they create and are responsible for any feeling they experience. Likewise, they are not responsible for others' feelings. Avoid blaming children for how you feel. Model appropriate ways to respond to their emotions.

Help Them Find Their Niche

Encourage your child to develop hobbies and interests which give him pleasure and which he can pursue independently. These can help him develop various skills which may help build confidence as well as provide comfort and distraction in difficult times. Also these may well provide common ground to further social interaction with others.

Let Them Work It Out With Peers

Children must learn to work out disputes with siblings, friends, and classmates without adult intervention. As they grow older they won't always be under direct adult supervision, but also learning to work through social challenges can help build confidence and self esteem. Another important social tool is the ability to cope with teasing. Help your child develop "tease tolerance" by pointing out that some teasing can't hurt and exploring the reasons why some kids tease.

Show Them Their Strengths

When your child succeeds at something reinforce that success by pointing out how far he has come by not giving up. When your child fails point out the other success he has enjoyed, especially those that were accomplished after a failure.

Teach Them To Laugh

Laugh with your children and encourage them to laugh at themselves. People who take themselves very seriously are undoubtedly decreasing their enjoyment in life. A good sense of humor and the ability to make light of life are important ingredients for increasing one's overall enjoyment. Laughter is a great stress reliever and a good way to make friends. Laughing at your mistakes and at life's challenges help teach children to put trouble in perspective and cope with challenges.

Using these seven strategies can help build your child's self esteem and help them lead a happier and more successful life.

Deanna Mascle shares more parenting tips with her blog Official Family Information at

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Wednesday, July 26, 2006

self esteem : Success and Self-Esteem

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."
Ralph Waldo Emerson.

It seems that for most of us the word “success” is only for other people. We usually find ourselves looking outside and thinking: “Wow, if I only had his or her talent”, or “he or she is really lucky…” or “If I have only had the opportunity.” and so on.

We find ourselves questioning all the time why other people have success while we do not have it. Is that because they are lucky, more intelligent than us or better? Absolutely not, that is not the reason.

Only when we decide to start look inside ourselves, instead of looking at other people’s life, we will finally find out that we are successful. Success is an internal sense, is a feeling of satisfaction and peace, and is to be comfortable about us.

For many years I thought that success was for other people but not for me, and also that was a matter of having a lot of money, be famous, have a perfect body and so on. (This could be the meaning of success for many people and I respect it, and I even support it as far as one can be comfortable with oneself and can enjoy from inside out to have a lot of many, or to be famous, etc.). But because I was not aware of this, what I did most of the time was to copy other people, trying to dress like them, acting like them struggling to get the main goal: “I want to be a successful person”. But at the end of the day, I got really tired of doing that and really frustrated because there was no satisfaction inside of me. I felt really empty, like living in a superficial world, and spending too much time trying to be loved by everyone and trying to please them.

Finally I realized that success was a feeling from inside out. And it was a big surprise to find out that I was a really successful person. I discovered that I have done a lot of things that made me felt happy and in peace, and this awareness helped me to discover that the main meaning of success was to be comfortable with myself.

Success is also to accomplish your goals, sometimes it could happen that you have promised yourself to reach a goal and you failed. To fail is not important, what really matters here is your awareness that comes from inside out that you made the best you could to get there, and of course if you did not get there, you learned a valuable lesson.

We cannot measure ourselves from what other people think, because everybody thinks different and the meaning of success for me, may be different for another people. Success is to be simple and honest, to be in peace with yourself. Success is to trust you; is a great challenge. Everything you do or you try to do is important, may be, is not important for other people, but the main point here is to be honest with yourself and respect yourself. In order to accomplish this, you have to really believe in yourself first, knowing that your life is important.

“ Success it is simply a matter of doing what you do best and not worrying about what the other fellow is going to do.” John R. Amos
self esteem
(c) 2006 Carla Valencia. All rights reserved.

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Monday, July 24, 2006

self esteem : Strengthen Your Child's Self-Esteem

Most parents want their children to have a healthy sense of self-esteem and many believe that low self-esteem lies at the bottom of many of society's problems.

Even though self-esteem has been studied for decades, its precise nature and development is still subject to debate. However, child development experts generally agree that parents and other adults who are important to children play a major role in laying a solid foundation for a child's self esteem development.

When parents and teachers of young children talk about the need for good self-esteem, they usually mean that children should feel good about themselves. With young children, self-esteem refers to the extent to which they expect to be accepted and valued by the adults and peers who are important to them.

Self esteem is so important in young children because it is a self fulfilling prophecy. The more confident children feel about their social, physical and intellectual success then the more likely they will succeed. Conversely, the less confident children feel then the more likely they will fail.

Children with a healthy sense of self-esteem feel that the important adults in their lives accept and care about them. They feel that those adults would be upset if anything happened to them and would miss them if they were separated. Children with low self-esteem, on the other hand, feel that the important adults and peers in their lives do not accept or care about them very much.

During their early years, young children's self-esteem is based largely on their perceptions of how the important adults in their lives judge them. The foundations of self-esteem are laid early in life when infants develop attachments with the adults who are responsible for them. When adults readily respond to their cries and smiles, babies learn to feel loved and valued. Children come to feel loved and accepted by being loved and accepted by people they look up to. As young children learn to trust their parents and others who care for them to satisfy their basic needs, they gradually feel wanted, valued, and loved.

Self-esteem is also related to children's feelings of belonging to a group and being able to adequately function in their group. When toddlers become preschoolers, for example, they are expected to control their impulses and adopt the rules of the family and community in which they are growing. Successfully adjusting to these groups helps to strengthen feelings of belonging to them.

Young children are unlikely to have their self-esteem strengthened from excessive praise or flattery. On the contrary, it may raise some doubts in children; many children can see through flattery and may even dismiss an adult who heaps on praise as a poor source of support--one who is not very believable.

As they grow, children become increasingly sensitive to the evaluations of their peers. When children develop stronger ties with their peers in school or around the neighborhood, they may begin to evaluate themselves differently from the way they were taught at home. You can help your child by being clear about your own values and keeping the lines of communication open about experiences outside the home. You can also help by teaching your child to socialize well with other children and encouraging interaction with children with similar family values.

Children do not acquire self-esteem at once nor do they always feel good about themselves in every situation. A child may feel self-confident and accepted at home but not around the neighborhood or in a preschool class. Furthermore, as children interact with their peers or learn to function in school or some other place, they may feel accepted and liked one moment and feel different the next. You can help in these instances by reassuring your child that you support and accept him or her even when others do not.

Self-esteem is most likely to be fostered when children are esteemed by the adults who are important to them. To esteem children means to treat them respectfully, ask their views and opinions, take their views and opinions seriously, and give them meaningful and realistic feedback.

A child's sense of self-worth is more likely to deepen when adults respond to the child's interests and efforts with appreciation or interest rather than just praise. Respond positively by taking their interests seriously with appropriate encouragement, for example, reading a book about dinosaurs or studying worms in the garden.

Young children are more likely to benefit from tasks and activities that offer a real challenge than from those that are merely frivolous or fun. Young children can be given appropriate responsibilities and tasks that make them a part of the community or family.

You can help your child develop and maintain healthy self-esteem by helping him cope with defeat as well as success. In the moment of failure remind your child that you still love and support him. Later, when the initial emotional response has passed talk with your child about the situation. Sometimes, it is important to point out that most people are not good at everything they try. Or perhaps there is a lesson to be learned from a mistake or lack of preparation. Teaching children to work past the small disappointments and troubles of childhood can help them handle the greater challenges life will throw in their path.

As a parent you play a primary role in the development of your child's sense of self worth and that sense of self will play a crucial role in your child's future success. Showing your child that you value and care for her and helping her learn to value herself can go a long way to building that important sense of self esteem.

Deanna Mascle shares more parenting tips with her blog Official Family Information at

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self esteem : How Is Your Self-Esteem?

The development of a positive self-concept, or healthy self-esteem, plays a major role in life success and happiness.

Self-esteem is quite simply how we feel about ourselves and our behavior clearly reflects those feelings. The way we talk about ourselves is very important in everything we do. What we think determines how we feel and how we feel determines how we behave.

A strong positive self-concept allows individuals to open themselves to new opportunities and challenges both personally and professionally. People who lack self-esteem are less willing to move from their safety zone and so miss opportunities in life, love, and success.

We can often place the blame for low self-esteem on people in our past such as our parents, teachers, or other important people. However once we reach adulthood then we need to take responsibility for our own self-concept.

In many ways self-esteem is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Those with a positive self-image will constantly reinforce that image with new successes while those with a negative self-image will find new failures to reinforce that image. If your self-esteem needs bolstering then you must find ways to to bolster it.

One way to boost your self-concept is through self-talk. Psychologists have found that negative self-talk is behind depression and anxiety. It is important to emphasize to ourselves both positive self-statements and mental pictures. Do this several times every day until it becomes a habit and you do not need to force yourself to imagine a positive self-concept but instead allow it to become a reality.

A second important step is to decide what you can and cannot control. Change and act on the things that are in your control and release the things that are out of your control. You can control your eating and exercise habits but you cannot change your body type. You can control your personal hygiene and appearance but you cannot control whether others find you attractive. You can control how you feel about yourself but you cannot control how others feel about you.

Third, set up a competition you can win. This means only compete to improve yourself not to beat someone else. Constantly setting meaningful, achievable goals for yourself allows you to keep improving yourself and can also build your self-esteem by reinforcing your achievements.

Fourth, become a positive person. When you ponder a decision or change in your life then think of everything that could go right. Emphasize the positives even when something unexpected occurs. Recognize that mistakes are opportunities to try again. Keep the setback in perspective. Most mistakes are not personal tragedies but rather problems you now have the opportunity to solve. Success is often the tail of a string of failed attempts to get it right.

Finally, accept responsibility for yourself. Finding self-confidence requires accepting responsibility for your own happiness and recognizing that you are a product not only of your genetic code and your environment, but of the choices you make. Release the blame for your past and do not dwell on the others who may have contributed to your low self-esteem. That was yesterday. You and you alone are responsible for the person you will be today and tomorrow.

Building your self-esteem is crucial to your success and happiness. If you follow these five steps then you should be able to give your self-esteem a boost.

Deanna Mascle shares more words of inspiration in her blog Best Inspiration at

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Tuesday, July 18, 2006


A reader from the Middle East wrote to me recently asking how he could improve his low self-image. He said, "it ruins my social and professional life." He wanted to know what techniques he could employ to solve this lifelong problem.

I felt somewhat inadequate in my reply to him and resolved to write about my own struggles to improve self-esteem in hopes that it will be helpful to others.

The dictionary says that esteem means, "to regard with respect; to prize, to appreciate. To recognize the quality, significance, or magnitude of, to admire greatly; to value."

I know people who have too much confidence and self-pride, but I don't know ANYONE with too much self-esteem. Most people, in moments of profound honesty, will admit to a lack of self-esteem. They would like to feel better about themselves--more confident and capable--in short, to love themselves more.

It would probably be fair to say that most social problems are the result--directly or indirectly--of someone's low self-concept.

Not too many years ago, I was going through a dark time in my life. I was broke--financially, personally, socially--even spiritually. In describing it to someone once, I said, "I had the self-esteem of a dead rat." That might have been overstating it a bit but not much.

My life--and my confidence--is much better today. MUCH better.

So what changed? Was it outward circumstances? Did my environment change and with it my inner experience? No.

Somehow I knew that any changes would have to be from me. It would be an inner transformation that would eventually alter the outward experience.

Some of the things I did unconsciously. Others were done with deliberation.

First and foremost, I removed myself from people who had been particularly critical. By distancing myself from this criticism, I was able to gain a better perspective. I was perfectly capable of taking my own inventory and didn't need someone else pointing out my errors and keeping me focused on my shortcomings. Here are a few other tips for improving your self confidence - click here

I immersed myself in good books--books of inspiration, books that increased my belief and books that gave me hope. And hope was severely lacking. Check out books I recommend

A good therapist helped me to see myself in a better light. Because he wasn't emotionally involved in my problems, he was able to see things differently. He would often point out that things weren't nearly as bad as they appeared to be.

I made a conscious attempt to focus on my strengths: my talents, my experience and my knowledge. I didn't allow myself to indulge in negative thoughts. When I found myself musing about something less than "uplifting", I would redirect myself to something else. I gave myself no permission to have "pity parties."

I took to heart Thomas Carlyle's advice when he wrote, "Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what clearly lies at hand." I kept busy. I did what appeared to me as needing doing. I didn't know exactly what I wanted to do or how I was going to do it. The future was uncertain and for the first time in my life I didn't have a plan. Like the AA program, I took one day at a time.

And each day I did what I could to clean up my messes, make things better, keep my focus forward instead of backward and keep the faith.

It was my faith in Universal Spirit that helped me get through this winter of discontent. I believe that everyone has a unique purpose and I was determined to discover my own. God doesn't make junk.

One of the biggest awareness' I had during these dark times was that I WAS NOT my feelings. I HAD feelings, but they were not me. I also realized that I had cared too much about the opinions of others. I still care; I just don't let it run me like it used to.

Some people believe that if you feel good about yourself, you'll do great things. That may be true, but I also believe that if you do great things, you'll feel good about yourself--and then do even greater things.

Taking these steps consistently over a period of years has enabled me to rebuild my finances, establish a career I'm excited about, develop a loving and committed marriage and, most importantly, restore and improve upon my self esteem. I'm grateful for the process.

Self-esteem is an upward or downward spiral. What you do affects the way you feel. How you feel affects the things you do. The things you do affect what you and others think of you, which in turn, affects how you feel about yourself.

You're either building yourself up or tearing yourself down. There is no status quo when it comes to your self-image.

by Michael Angier.

self esteem : The Enamel of Success

We all experience pride in ourselves when we earn a good grade on an exam or reach a personal goal. In fact, the ability to take pleasure in our achievements is a big reason why we continue to pursue our dreams and take risks. This pride and pleasure we experience is called self-esteem and it is very important to reaching our career goals.

The definition of self-esteem is basically when you have confidence and satisfaction in your own skills and abilities, and it is usually achieved through experiences of personal success. Self-esteem helps you to cope with difficult challenges when they arise and gives you the faith to overcome them.

Self-esteem is critical to your career success. You need lots of it at all stages of your career - whether it's for a job search, as a new employee, working with others, or dealing with stress and deadlines. If you're like most people, you may wonder if you've got enough self-esteem to reach your career goals.
Fortunately, there are steps that you can take to build and strengthen your self-worth.

To begin with, create a plan where you can get daily exercise and eat a balanced diet of healthy foods. Maintaining care and respect for your body also has benefits for your mind and promotes healthy thoughts about your self-worth.

Remember to engage in activities that are fun and meaningful to you. Participate regularly in a hobby that you enjoy or perhaps volunteer at an animal shelter if you're fond of furry creatures. Nurturing your interests is a great way to remind yourself of what's important to you.

Reward yourself for your achievements by celebrating with friends, getting a massage, or offering a kind word of praise to yourself. Every time you recognize a success, you are building a stronger trust and support system within yourself.

Create a list of successes that you can refer to in times of self-doubt. This is a wonderful way to stay in touch with your inner strength and reinforce your ability to overcome obstacles.

Lastly, forgive yourself when things don't quite turn out like you expected; being critical of your efforts only serves to chip away at self-esteem. Release any feelings of guilt or shame to make room for poise and confidence.

Using these steps to build and strengthen your self-esteem takes practice and dedication, but the results are well worth your efforts. Your self-esteem is your most valuable asset in reaching your goal of a rewarding career in the dental field - so fixodent and forget it!

by Cathy Warschaw

Thursday, July 13, 2006

self esteem : Improving Self-Esteem With A Little TLC

It is so important to take time to do nice things for ourselves.
Especially for those of us who spend much of our time helping and caring for others, it is too easy to neglect ourselves and become worn out, stressed out and run down.

Self-pampering is not about being selfish. It's about taking proper care of yourself and treating yourself as kindly as you treat others. We spend so much time and effort caring for our spouses, children, pets, friends, family members, employers and employees. Add to that numerous volunteer activities, errands, housework, family functions, meetings, etc. - and there isn't much time left for caring for ourselves.

We need to make caring for ourselves a priority, otherwise we will continue to put it off. Set an appointment with yourself every day, or at least once a week. Block the time out in your calendar and do not let anything interfere. As much as you do for others, you deserve this time for yourself. It doesn't have to be a huge amount of time, even an hour or two will do.

You might have a hard time with this in the beginning. You might feel guilty or selfish. You might say you can't fit it into your schedule. You might say you have too many other obligations. If your schedule is that full every day, then it is even more crucial to carve out some time for yourself. You may need to sacrifice something else to fit this time in. You may need to rearrange some things in your schedule. Aren't you worth the effort of trying to fit this in? It's a matter of believing that you deserve to be cared for just as much as everyone else in your life does. It might take some practice for you to fully believe that, and act on it.

In order to make time for yourself, you may need to say "no" to various extra obligations in your life. So many of us take on responsibilities that aren't even ours. We have various reasons for doing this, such as wanting to be liked, not wanting to let others down, wanting to help lighten the load for someone else, or simply because we don't know how to say "NO". However, this "pleaser" mentality can get us into big trouble as we take on more and more responsibility, and end up with less and less time for ourselves.

People will take advantage of us if we let them. They may not realize they are taking advantage, and they may not mean to take advantage. They might not even realize that we don't want to do what they ask of us. After all, if we've never said "no", how would they know? It took me years to learn how to say "no".
Finally I realized that it's as simple as saying, "I'm sorry, I'd love to help you out but I just can't right now." That simple. The first few times I did this, I expected the Heavens to crash down upon me. Instead, the other person said, "okay, no problem" and they asked someone else. Who knew it could be that easy?

Now, if you have people in your life that have become fully dependent on you doing everything for them, you might face a bit more opposition than that. You may have a fight on your hands in order to make time for yourself. In the end, you may need to decide which is more important: 1) pleasing everyone else in your life, or 2) putting caring for yourself as your highest priority. You will need to decide if you are worth the fight, or not. I believe you are.

Be kind and gentle with yourself. If you don't make the time to care for yourself, who else is going to? Look within your heart and see the bright, shining light of God there. That light needs to be nurtured and cared for, or it will begin to dim . . . and eventually die out altogether. And what a shame that would be.

Here are some self-pampering ideas to get you started:

Take a bubble bath by candle light. Spend time in Nature. Get a manicure or pedicure. Have a massage. Listen to soothing music or nature sounds. Send yourself flowers. Treat yourself to lunch or dinner at a nice restaurant. Go window shopping. Relax with a cup of calming chamomile tea. Write your hopes, dreams and wishes in a journal. Watch a comedy or read something funny. Go for a quiet stroll in the evening, or early morning. Buy yourself something new. Get a new hairdo. Visit a spa and have a facial. See a new movie. Dance. Take a nap. Go to an outdoor cafe and watch the world go by as you sip a latte, cappuccino, espresso or flavored coffee. Curl up with a good book. Write a love letter to yourself and mail it. Take dance lessons. Learn a new language. Take pottery classes, or quilting classes, or learn how to make yourself some beautiful jewelry. Say this to yourself every morning and every evening: "I am a beautiful person and I deserve to be treated kindly. I am loved, and I love myself."

Author: Wendy Betterini

self esteem : Moods , Happiness and Self Esteem

A mood swing is a very important factor in decision-making and daily living.

Your state of mind is determined by your moods. In a positive state you are happy and enjoy the moment. Negative moods lead to misguided decisions, unhappiness and low self esteem.

Negative thoughts only have power if you allow them to.

They are natural

Don't make a mistake I've made, don't try to control your thinking, control your reaction to thoughts.

Feeling low you are under pressure and time is running short, you panic. Everything looks serious.

If you find yourself thinking like this, remember when everything seemed OK - Your life has not suddenly changed your attitude has.

A mood can change your attitude and influence decision-making decide when you are feeling good.


Moods dictate how you see and react with the world. They colour your perceptions and emotions warn you whether you are in a high mood and open to positive influence or whether you are in a low mood and thinking in your habitual way.

Want to improve your self confidence, self esteem and attitude?

If you want to turn your negative thoughts into positive ones and open the door to your potential this free self confidence course is for you! This highly recommended course will be emailed to you, just click here for more.....

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The Present:

What's wrong with thinking of the past?

If you feel unhappy think where is your mind? I guarantee you will be in the past or thinking about the future.

Does a child think about yesterday or tomorrow?

How many opportunities have you missed by worrying what will happen in the future or by what happened in the past? Stop worrying and allow yourself to feel joy. visit personal mental health for more

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

self esteem : What is Self Esteem ?

Self esteem is the opinion you have of yourself. It is based on your attitude to the following:

Your value as a person
The job you do
Your achievements
How you think others see you
Your purpose in life
Your place in the world
Your potential for success
Your strengths and weaknesses
Your social status and how you relate to others
Your independence or ability to stand on your own feet
I think this sums it up but you may be able to add a few other important factors I have not included here.

What is Low Self Esteem?

Low self esteem results from you having a poor self image caused by your attitude to one or more of the above. Example: you do not value the job you do highly or you feel you have no purpose in your life.

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What is High Self Esteem?

High self esteem is the opposite! It is a very important aspect of your life. If you have a high level you will be confident, happy and sure of yourself. You would be highly motivated and have the right attitude to succeed.

Self esteem is therefore crucial to you and is a cornerstone of a positive attitude towards living.

Try this amazing self hypnosis download - Building your self esteem


"What is the most important thing for a person starting out on the road to success?"

"I would tell them the most important thing is to work on your self esteem, that's the best advice I can give"

Self esteem is the opinion you have of yourself. It is based on your attitude to the following:

Your value as a person
The job you do
Your achievements
How you think others see you
Your purpose in life
Your place in the world
Your potential for success
Your strengths and weaknesses
Your social status and how you relate to others
Your independence or ability to stand on your own feet
I think this sums it up but you may be able to add a few other important factors I have not included here.

What is Low Self Esteem?

Low self esteem results from you having a poor self image caused by your attitude to one or more of the above. Example: you do not value the job you do highly or you feel you have no purpose in your life.

Want to increase your confidence? Read my review of a free confidence course I found really helpful

What is High Self Esteem?

High self esteem is the opposite! It is a very important aspect of your life. If you have a high level you will be confident, happy and sure of yourself. You would be highly motivated and have the right attitude to succeed.

Self esteem is therefore crucial to you and is a cornerstone of a positive attitude towards living.

Try this amazing self hypnosis download - Building your self esteem


"What is the most important thing for a person starting out on the road to success?"

"I would tell them the most important thing is to work on your self esteem, that's the best advice I can give"

self esteem : Self Esteem is the Key

Self esteem is related to your self worth and your value. Building self esteem is a first step towards your happiness and a better life.

Self esteem increases your confidence. If you have confidence you will respect yourself. If you respect yourself you can respect others, improve your relationships, your achievements and your happiness....

Low self esteem causes depression, unhappiness, insecurity and poor confidence. Other's desires may take preference over yours. Inner criticism, that nagging voice of disapproval inside you, causes you to stumble at every challenge and challenges seem impossible.

How to improve your esteem and confidence

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1. Face your fears - they aren't as bad as you think they are. Facing your fears increases your confidence.

2. Forget your failures - learn from them. Avoid making the same mistakes again but don't limit yourself by assuming you failed before so you can't succeed this time. Try again, you're wiser and stronger. Don't be trapped in the past!

3. Know what you want and ask for it. You deserve your dreams to come true.

4. Reward yourself when you succeed. No-one else will! Isn't everything easier when you take time to help yourself?

5. Talk - We often make assumptions about a situation or person which are not true. Your attitude and behaviour can be negatively affected so if you have any doubt or question ask and don't assume you know why or how. There is much more about this point and about many of the others in a wonderful book I have read recently. I personally recommend you to read it too as you're going to get a lot out of it. It's called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, click on the link to order this extraordinary book now.

6. Don't be defeated! Try something else. You are not going to be defeated by one failed attempt are you? Doesn't everyone fail before they succeed? All you need is a different approach. Good luck! I wish you happiness and success! low self esteem - click here for more

7. Try this amazing self hypnosis download - Building your self esteem now!

Thursday, July 06, 2006

self esteem : Acne And Teenage Girls

Over 70% of teens say that acne has affected them in a negative way. An estimated 20 million teens suffer from acne, but even the fact that they're not alone doesn't ease the pain they feel. Teens are embarrassed at a time when they are unsure of themselves. They may become depressed and withdrawn. Acne is especially hard on teenage girls. At a time when they're noticing boys, and visa versa, acne can be devastating. They're surrounded by visions of beauty all around them on TV, in movies, in magazines and on line. We live in a society that worships youth and beauty.

Parents can help their teenage girls through this time by offering a supportive and sympathetic ear. Parents should help the child focus on all their positive attributes, which will help to strengthen the child's self esteem. The parents need to be actively involved with helping their child find the best possible cure for their particular form of acne.

Parents should also educate themselves about acne causes and treatments. Thirty years ago it was thought that acne was caused by eating the wrong foods. Chocolate and potatoe chips were culprit. It's now known that this isn't true. Food is not thought to play a large role in acne. It also has nothing to do with cleanliness of the skin.

What is fact is that acne in teenagers is caused by the action of hormones on the skin's oil glands. During puberty both boys and girls have an increase in the hormones called androgens. These hormones cause sebaceous glands under the surface of the skin to enlarge. The sebaceous glands in response produce excess oil. This excess oil mixes with bacteria and dead skin on the skin's surface and blocks pores. Inside these pores the bacteria multiple and cause inflammation.

Most cases of light to moderate acne can be treated by over the counter medications. There are many to choose from. Some find that benzoyl peroxide or salicylic acid works well. Benzoyl peroxide is known to readily kill acne bacteria. Benzoyl peroxide can be found in cleansers and in spot treatments. Benzoyl peroxide is very drying and can make your face look even more irritated, especially when you first start washing with it. Many acne suffers use a moisturizer on their face after washing. There are many moisturizers available that are specifically designed to help with acne such as Cetaphil, Eucerin, and Neutrogena.

Severe acne, or acne that has not responded well to over the counter products, can be successfully treated with the knowledge and expertise of a dermatologist. A dermatologist will consider many things before suggesting treatment. He will perform a thorough evaluation of the patient, considering things such as severity of acne, patient age, lifestyle, and co-existing conditions. The dermatologist then may suggest a combination of two or three different therapies for best treatment.

Whatever one of the literally hundreds of treatments you decide to choose, or if you seek the help of a dermatologist, remember that acne takes time to disappear. Overnight or miraculous results don't happen. It takes six to eight weeks to see results from treatment. Unfortunately, in a teenage girl's life six to eight weeks can feel like a lifetime.

by Terry Lowery

self esteem : The Blessing of Job Loss

One day, world-renowned psychologist, Carl Jung, had a friend arrive at his door wholly distraught from losing his job that very day. Carl Jung, invited his friend into his home and said, (with my paraphrasing), "Come. I'll open a bottle of fine Champaign and we'll celebrate as surely, some great good will come about from this job loss."

Losing a job or feeling trapped within a job, is likely a blessing in disguise although in the moment the loss or the fear may seem insurmountable.

When I lost my two retail stores after ten years, my $100,000., my marriage and my self esteem I thought this was one of the worst things that could happen to me in this lifetime.
Now, with the clarity of hindsight, I see losing my stores was Divine Intervention. By losing everything I thought I valued, I discovered what was really important to me. I lost every thing but found myself.

"Three earthly losses
which bring gain to the soul:
loss of a friend,
loss of health and
loss of riches."

"A Compilation of Triads," Volume I John F. Wright

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

self esteem : A Wish List From Mom To Dad

Here is just a little wish list I put together for you. First, I feel I should tell you that I greatly appreciate all that you do for me and our family. Feel free to grant any or all of my wishes time permitting. They can be fulfilled in any order. I will gladly accept them on any given day. No need to wait for a special occasion or holiday to grant any of the following:

A thorough house cleaning preferably when the house is dirty. I will gladly show you where the cleaning supplies are kept and will provide a detailed list for you if needed.

A night out. Just about any activity will do. This would include everything from a simple picnic to a night on the town. Oh, I almost forgot, no kids. So you will need to arrange for a sitter.

A few diaper changes. For the baby of course, I'm past that stage. If you really want to impress me, you can change a few of the pooh pooh ones. That would be great!

An occasional morning to catch up on my beauty sleep. So I can remain the beautiful woman you adore. This can be arranged around your days off of work.

A night free of dinner duty and clean up. I trust you, so anything you decide to prepare will do just fine. I know you wouldn't even consider serving me a TV dinner. And don't worry about getting dish pan hands from the clean up. I use a wonderful dish soap that will moisturize your hands while doing dishes.

A couple of late night feedings would be nice. Not for me, I'm watching my weight. But, the baby is known to wake up a time or two hungry for a late night snack.

A bedtime round up. This would consist of rounding up all the munchkins and getting them tucked in their beds. Really its good exercise. All the repeated trips to the restroom and the kitchen for last minute drinks.

A thank-you for a job well done. It really boosts my self esteem and shows me how much you appreciate all that I do.

Now this was just a small list. Feel free to add anything to it or repeat any of my wishes. I will accept most graciously.

by Tammy Pinarbasi

self esteem : Achieve Your Goal

Have you seen those ads that promise to make thousands and millions of dollars over night, they are just hype. You have to do whatever it takes to get where you want to be. Believe me there are no shortcuts. Sorry if I burst your bubble, but I am not trying to sell you anything.

I know you might think its too much hassle, you don't have the time for it what ever your doubts, excuses or fears might be, make sure you keep in mind that you are worth it and that in the end it will pay off. Go ahead your self esteem; pride and respect depend on it.

I see so many people out there who wish they were movie stars, millionaires, published authors, next Donald Trumps etc. and I think they have potential, most might already act the part. What ever your dream or goal is, I believe that it is attainable as long as you plan ahead and follow trough.

By taking and tracking one step at a time you will be able to keep your goal in mind and stay motivated. Think about it, each time you take a step you'll be closer towards it. Want to go back to college but don't have the money? Then you might want to consider one of these choices save money, learn and apply for student loans, scholarships, going to a cheaper school etc.

The bottom line is look at your life and your goals? Are you walking towards it? are you where you want to be? if the answer is no, then you need to sit down analyze and outline once you have your master plan follow trough it and when you complete your objective sit down, exhale and celebrate.

You can do it,

by Kenia Morales

Saturday, July 01, 2006

self esteem : Make Real And Lasting Improvements To Your Self Esteem.

With The Complete Self Esteem Workbook you can now break free from low self esteem once and for all and start really living your life.

This workbook has been carefully designed to show you how to quickly and permanently improve your self esteem.

Written in plane English it is very easy to follow with step-by-step instructions and highly effective exercises that will keep you moving forwards and making fast and lasting improvements to your self esteem.

YES, it is possible.

First we'll talk about the cause of low self esteem…..those fixed and negative frames of mind which actually lie at the root of ALL low self esteem.

Then we'll discuss how to break through those fixed frames of mind and free yourself from the negative effects of low self esteem once and for all.

After that you'll start a 7 step personal journey of self discovery which will allow you to break free from the negative fixed frames of mind which are the cause of your own low self esteem.

This step-by-step approach will soon bring you personal realizations which will permanently end low self esteem issues in your life for good.

It’s like having a personal counsellor in your own home, helping you to totally eradicate the problems of low self esteem from your life.

Many people who suffer with Low Self Esteem experience one or more of the following:

Feel Anxious in certain situations.

Boast to cover up real feelings of inadequacy.

Fear new experiences and avoid them.

Too eager to please others.

Have poor eye contact.

Lack energy.

Very sensitive to criticism.

Make negative “I am” statements.


Hide your true feelings.

Can be aggressive.

Don't recognize own good qualities.

Copyright The Anfield Institute of Personal
All rights reserved worldwide.

self esteem : Building Children's Self-Esteem

There are many reasons why the development of a child’s self-esteem may be hindered. They range from very real problems, such as physical handicaps, to less clear issues, such as emotional problems stemming from parental divorce. Despite the particular difficulties that children may encounter, their self-esteem can grow and flourish – with the right support. Unfortunately, there are many potentially negative results when children do not develop healthy self-esteem. Possible outcomes range from general unhappiness to deep depression, to dropping out of school, to robbery and even to violence. Building children’s self-esteem does not require special materials or complicated techniques. Rather, parents and teachers can rely on sensitivity and basic communication skills to understand and help children believe that they are competent and valued. The information presented in this publication explains how adults can influence the growth of a healthy self-image in children.

by Amy R. Vigilante, Ph.D